It’s a cold day in hell. Such a cold day in fact, that the sky is freezing over, but you won’t notice this because the pigs are busy flying overhead. Having just gotten home from a long weekend in Florida, the scale was all too quick to remind me that I was accountable for all crimes committed on my “binge-cation”. I had ice cream and alcohol every day I was gone. I’m sorry - I’m not sorry, but the afterglow fades quickly. Nevertheless, living life five pounds heavier, the blog must go on.
The only thing more toxic than my relationship with fruit is my relationship with wearing clothes that are too tight. On my way to Tampa Airport, my hosts stopped at an orange grove and in the spirit of travel I purchased one of each of their citrus offerings – a honey tangerine, a temple orange and a Valencia orange. I figured IF I was going to eat fruit, the Sunshine State was the place to do it. Never thought that I would see the day when my backpack held three pieces of fresh fruit, but here we are.
Normally I take a multivitamin because nobody in this universe would believe that my diet lends itself to covering all necessary nutritional basis. Like anything you’re dreading, it seemed only fitting to get this taste test over with all at once. My mind is open and I do hope to see the day when my strong distaste for fruit fades and I can join the rest of the population in sugary, vitamin filled bliss without complaint.
The first fruit on deck was the honey tangerine. Already my favorite because it was the smallest, this fruit was a deep orange color and quite easy to peel. The skin was so thin and I realized after the fact how lucky I was that this didn’t get squished in my backpack. Most people would argue that there’s a time and a place for fresh juice and we would all agree that it’s not at 35,000 feet. The tangerine was by far the sweetest of all three fruits tried, which meant that it should have been saved for last. The skin between sections was also very thin and I was surprised by the abundance of seeds. Honey was an appropriate name for this tangerine to say the least.
After the tangerine, it was basically all further downhill. The temple orange was too juicy to peel without wearing most of it. It was always my understanding that the attraction of carrying fruit with you is that it’s self contained and can be eaten on the go. I would only eat this thing if I had a poncho on. There were plenty of seeds in this orange too and the skin between each section was quite thick. Temple oranges seem like they’d be perfect for easy juicing, if you’re into that.
Last and least was the Valencia orange. Save yourself the airfare and enjoy this orange at your local Chinese restaurant when they bring you your bill. This was by far the hardest and least rewarding to peel. The tartness of this overwhelmed me. It should be mentioned that this may likely be because of the previous fruits being so sweet. To be frank, I couldn’t even finish half of this thing.
Overall, this didn’t kill me. My pants aren’t really any looser, but I certainly mitigated any risk of developing scurvy. You won’t see me bagging oranges at the A&P, but when in Rome.